She loved yellow flowers and Mountain Dew.
Each year, on the anniversary of my mom’s passing, I travel to the Philippines with my dad to visit family and friends. We have a tradition of bringing certain items when we visit her grave: a bottle of Mountain Dew, candles, and most importantly, yellow flowers.
Friends and family always welcome us with open arms when we come to visit her. Often, a Tito or Tita, whether they are truly family or close friends, go with us. When we take a moment of silence, it’s peaceful and quiet. Often, the only sounds are the passing tricycles on the street. My dad had a stone tile engraved with my mom’s face on it to honour her memory which my dad and I take a photo beside each time we visit to remember the moment.
I miss my mom. Especially when I get reminded of her on days like Mothers Day. I find that people are really cautious about what they say to me around that time. Something that still hurts is when I hear people make “mom jokes”. I understand that people might make a joke because they didn’t know or if they forgot, but when it happens, it makes me feel dry and empty.
Now when I think of her, it keeps me going and makes me happy.
When I first returned to school after her passing, I would often get upset easily and even run away and hide. But it’s been 4 years now, and I’ve realised it’s better it celebrate the time she was alive than mourn her passing.
Even though I used to think life was cruel and unfair I learned a valuable lesson, never take anything or anyone for granted.
-Ryan
Hi Ryan, thank you for sharing your personal story. I lost my dad when I was young and I still think about him especially on his birthday and fathers day. My father didn’t want to have a grave but instead, we scattered his ashes at his favourite fishing place. Instead of having a ritual on the anniversary of his death, I always visit the beach on his birthday because he loved sailing. This means that I am celebrating and remembering his birthday, rather than mourning his death. It helps me to be thankful for the time I had with him, rather than be sad and remember his death.